I sat, I sit, I rise

I sat with my anger long enough to realize it was grief

I sat soaked in my tears to realize it was fear & anxiety 

I sat with my heart racing to realize my mind & soul were trapped in another time

I sat blank realizing I so wanted the silence but was afraid where it would lead

I sat with a bottle only to realize it made everything worse 

I sat with my stonedness only to realize it trapped me from truly sitting with & moving through all my emotions 

I sat with my shopping, click happy fingers, only to realize I was buying stuff to fill a void inside 

I sat with DCIS in the hospital to realize it was my time to rise up…yet I fell so fucking hard that rising up is still going on years later 

I sat without my breasts only to realize I never fully appreciated those beautifully formed& fully functioning appendages until they were cut from me

I sat with my new body only to fully realize this was the only one I was ever going to get

I sat with myself through it all

I sat through my laughter to realize how happy this present moment is 

I sat with my smile to realize how much love & joy was around me right now 

I sat with my stillness long enough to realize the only thing scarier than not sitting in it all is to cope with it all with external distractions 

I sat with my son long enough to realize how much of our early childhood years are imprinted so deep in our being 

I sat with my dying grandmother not nearly long enough but enough to realize the true meaning of generational wealth has nothing to do with money 

I sat with dad as he entered hospice only to realize he realized so much too late 

I sat with my sobriety to realize it was empowering 

I sat with my body stretching & recovering from weight training to realize I was strong as fuck if I wanted to be

I sat with my energy long enough to realize it was mine and mine alone to alter

I sat with my intentions long enough to realize I was the only one in my way no matter how easy it was to point the finger somewhere else 

I sat with my daughter long enough to realize she was truly manifested by love & represented so much about overcoming

I sat with my stillness long enough to trust it; to trust myself

I sit now with a purpose so highly charged it’s eager to get back out there & pick up where I started in the mental health field & holistic wellness field 

I sit now with my inner knowing in alignment & I rise above