Hi dad, There is not much sunshine in this cloudy, rainy sky as I write this
Yet there is still a bright, flourishing sun shining in my soul today
Today is the day I went to the hospital 5 years ago to have my beautiful son
Though he came 2 days later, this day is still so significant for my being
I feel your presence today dad, every year…cheering me on with your strong hands on my shoulders echoing that very courageous you got this Teresa
I feel a whole body reaction to the knowing that 9 years ago at this very time you had only weeks of life on this earth left
I recently had a client tell me that things got better in their life once their parent had passed & they took comfort in knowing that it was bc they were up in heaven pulling the strings. I told them I couldn’t agree more.
yet I sit here amongst the beautiful flowers, the trees & ocean waves crashing- a place I’ve come for over 10 years now… & I just miss you.
How I wish you could have met John.
Grilled him even as I know you would have & confident he would pass every single one of your “tests”.
He would have made you (actually I know deep in my soul that he does make you) so profoundly happy that he’s in my life & how much he takes care of me.
Aside from the literal opening of (most) doors- he’s tended to my soul in a way that transcends any concept we have of basic love & relationships. A way deep in my being I know you had for my mom. Yet I know that the trauma you endured couldn’t manage a way for you without outside destructive coping & for that I’m so profoundly empathetic. I totally get it and I’m sorry that was your reality. And in your continued presence in my life; though times I so desperately want a physical hug… rings so true in my being & in my soul that I know that your suffering was not without vast teaching & purpose. You are part of the sunshine in my soul on these cloudy days.
You make me see how I am the sunshine on the cloudy days.
You help me to feel enough; to feel energized; to feel excited for life & the life I have with my beautiful family.
And dad…for that I will always be so profoundly grateful for you as my father & me as your daughter